I am my mother’s daughter

My closest friends call me emotional

When I have a crush, it can never just be a “crush”

Suddenly, they are me

I cannot simply “like” someone

I love them with all mind body and soul 

Their accomplishments are mine

Their defeats are mine as well

When they are angry, I am angrier

I am my mother’s daughter

The kids in my elementary school used to call me a robot

I am quiet in my fury

Poison is quiet.  Disease is quiet.

When I am screamed at like a dog for my disobedience

I stand there expressionless

When I am ruthlessly insulted and laughed at

I do not move

My brain and my body will feel so slow

That I can no longer tell if I am still breathing

For the fear that a singular flinch

Will ruin all the neutrality that I have worked for

I am my mother’s daughter

I cannot bare the horrors of being alone

Everyone always speaks about this concept

Of a Social battery

Talking about how draining it is to be with others for so long

Of how nice it is to be in solitude, relaxing

But that does not compare to the horrors of living with your thoughts

Of having to spend hours every night trying to avoid

reminiscing on what you’ve done

On how you have done everything wrong

And your hands were built to never accomplish a single task

It is impossible to relax for even a single second alone

When your own brain and body is another person’s entirely

I am my mother’s daughter

I will spend my entire life begging and screaming for worth

Pleading for what I’m not even entirely sure that I deserve

Just to prove something, anything

To prove that I am worth more than my incompetence as a child

To prove that I can break the generational curse of the women in my family

Being in a joyless and disappointing life, with my only hope being my own daughter

I am my father’s daughter

My fury and vengeance can be seen from miles away

When I am angry I scream, I throw, I yell, I insult

I am the cruel dictator, the monster under your bed,

I boil up inside and out till I am unrecognizable 

From the person that you once knew and loved

Yet, I forgive

I forgive the world for what has happened to me

I forgive my cousin brothers and sisters for how ill they have treated me 

I forgive my friends for the horrible things that they have said behind my back

For the hope that things will go back to the way it was

I forgive my mother and ignore the way she treats my wife

In the hopes that she will finally give me the love that I begged for as a child

I forgive my father for leaving when I needed him the most

I forgive my daughter  for always being distant from me, 

though I do not understand why she is in the first place

I am my parents’ daughter

I am built in emotion and fury

When I love, my entire body is consumed by it 

till I am choking 

Holding on to my neck desperately, 

grasping for something

That is not there

When I hate

I scream, I cry, I yell, I gasp for breath as my tears build-up

Like a tsunami, throwing all that I love into it until I am 

alone

I am my parents’ daughter.

I forgive you.