i used to hear snake sounds 

outside my childhood house

shaking slowly, humming

it was the hissing

or maybe the soft, gentle, instrument-like rattle

that woke me up every morning

as i smelled the scent of something 

i can no longer recall

there is a sense of joy

in not being able to fully remember the past

after all, it was painful

yet

there is also the bitter irony

why are you happy 

with little memory of the supposed

greatest moments of your life?

i recently moved back into my house

and it’s funny

i can hear them again

it’s the same rattling

that nobody else seems to notice

the rattling must signal change 

a significant one that uproots all

with no mercy 

it can’t mean anything else

but

there is a part of me that is terrified

of another potential meaning

that this represents everything 

going back to the way it was

stagnant

lost in a crowd of voices 

with the only one able to lead me out

being myself 

a 6-year-old

looks out the window

searching for the source of the rattles

almost loud enough to drown out

the sounds of yelling behind her

she prays to the snake

that her meaning is correct