Uttara stared up at the sky above her, mesmerized by all of its glory. She could feel the grass below her stay perfectly still- she could feel the softness of it against her arms and legs, embracing her in a warm and comforting hug, as she lay perfectly motionless. The nights here were never cold, despite it being late November- rather, it was always just right. Warm enough to go outside and stay there forever, but not hot enough to sweat even a drop.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
Uttara looked to her right and saw Vaishu sitting down next to her, looking up.
Uttara smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there. How did the talk go?”
Vaishu sighed in an exaggerated tone. “Not the best. None of them even budged when I mentioned the idea, they all just seemed to laugh or ridicule me- I don’t think anyone in the counsel even takes me seriously at this point.”
Uttara scooted a little closer to her so that she could rest her head on Vaishu’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry too much, okay? Their opinions don’t even matter anyway, you’re the most intelligent person I know! One smidge of your shit has better ideas than the brains of all of those old men put together.”
Vaishu giggled and playfully hit Uttara on the arm.
“You can’t say those kinds of things about Appa! He’s the leader of the village, we have to show him some respect.”
Uttara rolled her eyes dramatically, putting her right hand on her forehead and fake-fainting onto the grass. Oh God forbid I insult our kind and wonderful father, leader of the village! It’s not like I’ll be dead in a week and it won’t even matter!”
Uttara took a second to realize that the joke that she made might be a little too dark. She looked back at Vaishu and realized that she was looking away.
“Hey-”
“We can’t keep ignoring it, Uttara. We can’t keep acting like everything’s fine and joke around about it when you know that it’s killing us to see you like this.”
Uttara stayed silent.
“Do you know how difficult this is for us? Morning after morning I wake up in shambles, realizing how much closer we are to that horrific day that the illness finally takes you, and I just have to keep it together because I know you hate talking about it. Every single day I talk to the council, the doctor, and any medical practitioner possible, just trying and trying to find a way to help you, to give you more time, to stop it from getting to your heart. Every single day I watch as you gradually get weaker and weaker, your face loses its color, your eyes droop, and you struggle to walk or pick something up; just seeing you just makes me want to burst into tears and hold you for as long as I possibly can. But I can’t. I have to keep it all together just for you to spend every night out here looking at the stars and joking around about it.”
Uttara looked away back at the night sky and was silent for what seemed like forever before finally speaking.
“Do you know how many stars there are? Personally, I have no idea but I would assume more than a billion. Each one leads to who knows where, all leading to different shapes and sizes, so many mysteries behind every single one. It’s fascinating in all of its glorious beauty, yet also terrifying. Our lives are so tiny, so small- all of these small things we do will not matter in the course of the universe, we will not affect the lives of the generations after us. We are just here, surviving.”
Uttara looked back at Vaishu, tears flooding the eyes of both of them.
“Vaishu I’m scared. I am so scared. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to leave you, I want to stay here. I want to see you grow up, I want to see you beat all of those stupid councilmen up with your incredible ideas, I want to see you achieve every single one of your dreams right by your side. I want you to never cry for the rest of your mortal life, Vaishu. Please don’t cry.”
Vaishu sat closer to her and held Uttara in her arms.
They didn’t speak for about 10 minutes, and yet at the same time, it still didn’t feel long enough.
“Okay. I won’t cry.”
Uttara hugged her even tighter, gripping her blouse and laying her head on her shoulder.
“Okay.”
…
Vaishu entered the house holding the many many scrolls of potential ideas in her hands. It had already grown dark outside, and she knew her father was already probably sleeping at this point. She tip-toed around to her room as quietly as possible before realizing that someone was watching her.
She looked back and saw her father sitting across the room, chuckling.
“Good morning Vaishu! I would typically say good evening, but considering it’s already after 12…”
Vaishu rolled her eyes, smiling at him before carefully placing the scrolls on a table and sitting down next to it.
“Good morning Appa. Considering that you’re so smart-headed, could you kindly tell me the date? I need to write it on the scrolls.”
He smiled. “August 29, Vaishu. Now, after writing that down, could you please tell me about your day?
Vaishu’s stomach dropped as soon as she heard the date. Her father had forgotten what day it was.
“I have to go”, she blurted out before getting up and bolting out of the house.
She ran towards the empty field behind her house as if she was late for the most important meeting of her life.
Sitting down on the grass, she stared up at the midnight sky. It had been exactly one year since Uttara had left.
One year since she had died.
She tried to come back to the field at least once a month, every 29th. This day seemed more important than any day to watch the stars- like it was a promise she made, not just to Uttara but to herself.
As she looked closer at the stars, she felt her eyes grow damp. She didn’t realize how much she missed her, even though she acted like she was fine all the time. She would get on with life, grow successful, create new ideas- yet in the back of her brain she always thought about her. She always wondered how she was doing.
Blinking in the stars, near the north, one star in specific twinkled. Vaishu had never seen it before, which was surprising considering how long she had studied the sky. This one was brighter than any star she had seen in her life, comforting. Despite never noticing it, it somehow seemed familiar, as if she had known it another life.
North, Uttara. Vaishu stared at it for a few seconds, before she finally let out a small smile.
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